Just heard yesterday that Derek has acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. It had apparently been building up for months - apparent to me in the fact that around New Year, he had ongoing infections (diarrhoea) and extreme listlessness. Then when I got back from Bradford, he had a severe headache and breathlessness.
So I realised that leukaemia was a possibility, and when we were told I felt quite calm. The shock set in when I was on a moonlit field with the dogs. Came back and spoke to Cathy, who was wonderful. Jan told me to be strong, but I was not last night - wanted to screem, curl up on the rug, and most worrying, I took a knife and tried to self harm.
Woke up in the middle of the night feeling panicky, took another sleeping pill and eventually went back to sleep. Woke in the morning feeling a) terrified and b) like I wanted to lie in bed all day. Derek says he worries about my inability to cope with any form of stress.
Dear Margaret
ReplyDeleteSorry not to have responded until now. Jan and I are concerned that you tried to self-harm. You must try to look after yourself, as well as Derek/ I fear both of you are in for a roller-coaster ride over the next few weeks and months.
Thinking of you both lots
Take care xxxx love Cathy and Jan